June 4th, 2015 was the last day of my previous life. On June 5th, 2015 a series of events took place that led to the loss of our beautiful, healthy, happy baby boy, Harrison. Due to this loss, I am forever a different person. My perception of life is forever different. I often ache to return to my previous life. I squirm to find ways to undo the past. I bargain with the universe to give me just 10 more minutes to hold him in my arms. However, I know, no amount of time will be enough. Logically I understand, I can’t turn back time.
It has been a month since we lost Harrison. As time passes, his memories stay stagnant. It doesn’t feel right. How can this world just move on without him? How can I move on without him? How can his Daddy and brother move one without him? The answer is… we don’t! We have to change for good. We are now different people.
We have received so many kind words of support over the past month. The words that give me the most comfort are, “I often think of Harrison.” Or “I will always remember Harrison when….” Prior to experiencing this time of grief I never understood what someone might want to hear. For me, this is helpful.
I am a Pinterest Mommy. I love finding fun ideas to enjoy time with my kiddos! I love seeing other Mommy’s creative ideas. There is no mess I am afraid of… Everything cleans up (or doesn’t… who cares?). It is the memories that you make during the process that count. One of my first Pinterest projects with my boys was to take monthly milestone photos on their monthly birth anniversary. I loved to watch them grow! I loved to look back at the photos. It was fun for me! And it was a process. Harrison’s birthday was Jan 28th. On June 28th, after Harrison’s passing, I looked at the calendar….I had no process. I ached for him to be in my arms.
So I need a new “process”, people! Not just any process. I don’t want to resume life like he never happened. He DID happen! His life MATTERS, even if it was shorter than most. What process can I start to honor him and carry his spirit? I would prefer to carry him in my arms, but I don’t have that choice. So I will numbingly carry his spirit and start a new process. I hope with time the “process” will become beautiful, therapeutic, joyful, and happy.
So here is my idea…. On the 28th of each month Jason, Bennett, and myself will continue to finish Harrison’s milestone photos with random acts of kindness. I will photograph our project with the chalkboard to represent Harrison’s milestone. I will blog about our journey, and continue to share memories of Harrison’s life. I have no clue what the “acts of kindness” will be. However, I hope we can spread the joy that Harrison brought us. I hope we can continue to teach his brother compassion and caring, which he was learning from having Harrison in his life.
Feel free to join in! Start your own “random act of kindness” on the 28th of each month. Let’s make the 28th GREAT! (Or pick a different day, any day will do!) There are no rules! Money is not required! Extensive time is not required. Complicated processes are not required. Give a compliment, give a tip, donate toys, donate clothes, make cookies for a neighbor, pick flowers for someone, give a hug, visit a nursing home…. Get your kids involved. And most of all, promise, to remember our Harrison when you do it! That is the best gift you can give us!