June 4th, 2015 was the last day of my previous life. On June 5th, 2015 a series of events took place that led to the loss of our beautiful, healthy, happy baby boy, Harrison. Due to this loss, I am forever a different person. My perception of life is forever different. I often ache to return to my previous life. I squirm to find ways to undo the past. I bargain with the universe to give me just 10 more minutes to hold him in my arms. However, I know, no amount of time will be enough. Logically I understand, I can’t turn back time.
It has been a month since we lost Harrison. As time passes, his memories stay stagnant. It doesn’t feel right. How can this world just move on without him? How can I move on without him? How can his Daddy and brother move one without him? The answer is… we don’t! We have to change for good. We are now different people.
We have received so many kind words of support over the past month. The words that give me the most comfort are, “I often think of Harrison.” Or “I will always remember Harrison when….” Prior to experiencing this time of grief I never understood what someone might want to hear. For me, this is helpful.
I am a Pinterest Mommy. I love finding fun ideas to enjoy time with my kiddos! I love seeing other Mommy’s creative ideas. There is no mess I am afraid of… Everything cleans up (or doesn’t… who cares?). It is the memories that you make during the process that count. One of my first Pinterest projects with my boys was to take monthly milestone photos on their monthly birth anniversary. I loved to watch them grow! I loved to look back at the photos. It was fun for me! And it was a process. Harrison’s birthday was Jan 28th. On June 28th, after Harrison’s passing, I looked at the calendar….I had no process. I ached for him to be in my arms.
So I need a new “process”, people! Not just any process. I don’t want to resume life like he never happened. He DID happen! His life MATTERS, even if it was shorter than most. What process can I start to honor him and carry his spirit? I would prefer to carry him in my arms, but I don’t have that choice. So I will numbingly carry his spirit and start a new process. I hope with time the “process” will become beautiful, therapeutic, joyful, and happy.
So here is my idea…. On the 28th of each month Jason, Bennett, and myself will continue to finish Harrison’s milestone photos with random acts of kindness. I will photograph our project with the chalkboard to represent Harrison’s milestone. I will blog about our journey, and continue to share memories of Harrison’s life. I have no clue what the “acts of kindness” will be. However, I hope we can spread the joy that Harrison brought us. I hope we can continue to teach his brother compassion and caring, which he was learning from having Harrison in his life.
Feel free to join in! Start your own “random act of kindness” on the 28th of each month. Let’s make the 28th GREAT! (Or pick a different day, any day will do!) There are no rules! Money is not required! Extensive time is not required. Complicated processes are not required. Give a compliment, give a tip, donate toys, donate clothes, make cookies for a neighbor, pick flowers for someone, give a hug, visit a nursing home…. Get your kids involved. And most of all, promise, to remember our Harrison when you do it! That is the best gift you can give us!
July 11, 2015 at 2:26 am
What an incredible idea Darcy! I am going to set a calendar reminder for the 28th. And I promise we will think of you, Harrison, Bennett, and Jason.
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July 11, 2015 at 4:23 am
Darcy, I love that you have started this new “process.” This is such a wonderful way to remember and “Carry Harry” and it will help all of us to keep his precious life in our hearts forever. A random act of kindness on the 28th of every month will become a part of our lives in the Guerrant household. We will do something to help another person in honor of Harry and we will remember. May God bless you and Jason and Bennett.
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July 11, 2015 at 7:13 am
Wonderfully written Darcy and such a beautiful idea. I too will be joining in the random acts and remembering Harry and the rest of you guys . Know that all 4 of you are in my heart and thought of often!
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July 11, 2015 at 4:34 pm
Your post is so achingly familiar. I lost my infant son; he would be 13 soon. Keep talking, keep sharing… You have an excellent plan here which will allow Harrison’s spirit to benefit many, and will help you find your balance. Today a stranger is sending you love and compassion. And empathy. Xoxo
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July 11, 2015 at 5:16 pm
Beautiful, Darcy. I shared a wonderful phone conversation with your mother about the ultrasound you shared with her before he was born. He also made such a happy addition to the family pictures she shared. Harry, of course, was loved even before he was born.
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July 11, 2015 at 9:44 pm
We will be doing random acts of kindness in his memory. Prayers and strength for you. What a beautiful idea.
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July 11, 2015 at 10:02 pm
What a beautiful idea! He’s so precious! I admire your family! I will join in on the 28th of each month! My family has been through a lot this last year and even though things aren’t better for us, I’d like to pass on some kindness! My your family be blessed and my prayers are with you all!
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July 12, 2015 at 4:53 am
Thank you for sharing your family with us. The 28th is our special day to celebrate the life of Harry. GOD Bless.
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July 12, 2015 at 7:05 pm
What a beautiful honor to share with the world! I promise to carry Harry’s precious spirit the 28th of every month by doing random acts of kindness. I will be thinking of you and your family and of course Harry’s adorable smile every time.
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July 12, 2015 at 9:09 pm
You don’t know me…to be honest I’m not even sure how I found this entry, but I’m so glad I did. Beautiful sentiment—how wonderful for you to respond to your sorrowful situation with such a positive idea.
This massively struck a chord with me—my husband died very suddenly on 20th December; I was 16 weeks pregnant. Our son was born on…yep…28th May. My heart is broken and I struggle along with 2 children (we have an almost 3 year old daughter also), but you have inspired me to take those difficult days—anniversaries, birthdays, etc. and turn them into an opportunity to bless others. What a beautiful way to honour him instead of moping around lamenting over what could have been on that day?
Thank you so much for the inspiration, and God Bless You for your courage and strength ❤
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July 12, 2015 at 10:27 pm
Such a wonderful way to honor Harrison! I’m going to put a reminder on my calendar for the 28th right now.
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July 12, 2015 at 11:04 pm
Thank you
I will do an act of kindness on th 28th .
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July 13, 2015 at 3:08 am
Oh his photos are so cute! I love his round little face. What a sweetheart. It is nearly impossible to believe that he is so suddenly gone. I love your idea of commemorating monthly milestones. I think that’s beautiful. The 28th of this month is my birthday–I’ll be carrying Harry in my heart and doing something to honor his memory.
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July 13, 2015 at 11:36 am
Darcy,
I too lost my son when he was just 3 1/2 yrs old. His birthday was October 28th. You have inspired me!:) thank you!
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July 13, 2015 at 2:36 pm
What a beautiful boy, Darcy! I am so very sorry for your loss. I will be thinking of you and Harrison on the 28th this month, and the 28ths to come as well. May the days pass as gently as possible. with care, Sarah
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July 13, 2015 at 3:05 pm
i love this idea. i wish with all of my heart that Harrison was still here.
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July 13, 2015 at 6:10 pm
I bet he lit up your world for those few months. His face sure seems like it would light up anyone’s world. I’m so sorry you’re missing him. Sending so much love.
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July 14, 2015 at 5:53 am
What a lovely tribute to your sweet boy. I’m so sorry.
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July 14, 2015 at 10:50 am
He is so beautiful and I am so sorry for your loss. I love your idea for each month and will definitely be thinking of you and Harrison on the 28th ❤️
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July 14, 2015 at 10:53 am
He is so beautiful and I am so sorry for your loss. Your idea for each month is lovely and I’ll be thinking of you and Harrison on the 28th ❤️
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July 15, 2015 at 2:06 am
My birthday is July 28th. I will forever remember your bundle and allow awareness for that day of the month forever to give something in honor of Harry! 💖✨
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July 15, 2015 at 3:24 am
I can hardly take my eyes off him. His eyes are so…a terrible choice of words but nothing else comes…so lively. Interested, engaged, like a smile is juuust about to slip out. He’s darling, and it’s beyond heartbreaking to even think of him not being here. I know it’s a billion times worse living it. I marvel at your ability to initiate such a healthy, meaningful movement in your son’s memory so soon, as I was incapable of such for years after our daughter died. (Which only makes me wonder if I’m made of weaker stuff. What you’re doing is beautiful.) What incredible parents. The 28th is on my calendar as Harrison’s day.
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July 18, 2015 at 2:54 am
I love this! Love you!!!
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July 28, 2015 at 2:35 pm
What a beautiful idea. Although I did not know your son or have a memory to share, I do believe he Is with the good Lord. God is love and kindness so your future plan will make everyone happy! Bless you and your entire family.
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July 28, 2015 at 9:21 pm
As a mama to a daughter born the same day as Harrison, I want to send you lots of love today. I will be giving Josie extra snuggles today, and will remember Harrison every month with a kind act. Hugs, mama.
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July 29, 2015 at 2:02 am
We thought of you and sweet Harry often today. We’ll continue to do random acts of kindness in honor of him and your family.
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August 9, 2015 at 12:34 pm
Beautiful introduction to Harrison’s story and your journey ahead. I’ll say simply….I understand. Bless you. I think your new project is wonderful and an awesome tribute to Harrison.
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