Tonight is Friday night. TGIF, right? The marker of the work week ending and family time beginning. For the past 6 weeks it has also been the weekly anniversary Harrison’s journey to a pure land. I have moments where the sadness is absolutely suffocating. It feels physically heavy as it sits on my chest and neck. The tears flow, giving me room to breathe once again. No matter how many negative thoughts or emotions I feel, I ultimately continue to come to the same conclusion. Nothing will bring back our baby so I MUST honor him every day of my life, as I will ALWAYS be his Mommy.
Tonight I took a step back to remember our promise to Harrison. To refocus my mind and attention on our purpose as parents. Jason and I wrote this letter to our sweet baby the week after his passing. The minister read the letter during Harrison’s Memorial service but tonight we would also like to share this letter with the world.
Dear Sweet Harrison,
Our sweet baby boy, while your life was way too short it was your full life. You had meaning and purpose just the same as someone who had the luxury to live ninety plus years. Your memory and purpose will bless this world forever.
When we think of you, we think of joy. You taught us that infants are enjoyable. Thank you for your smiles, every single one of them. The warmth we felt while holding you in our arms, filled us with joy. We looked forward to the moments we could hold you closely and rock. Life with you was constant, but constantly beautiful.
Thank you for showing us your brother’s compassion. While I know he scared you the first few weeks of your life, with time, you began to seek his attention. Words can’t express the joy it brought us to see the two of you together. Buddies for life! Bennett never demonstrated jealousy, only compassion and interest towards you.
We have learned a lot about grief in the past 7 days with the help and support of counselors, friends, and family. We understand that losing a child is different from losing any other kind of loved one. We have been told that people never fully recover from the loss of a child. We have been informed that marriage and parenting after a trauma like your loss can be difficult. Harrison, we promise you, we will not let your death haunt our family. Today and forever, we will honor you through our marriage and our parenting. We will show patience and compassion in your honor. Through you, we will find strength to make a legacy in your honor.
We love you sweet baby boy.
Mommy and Daddy