Over the past several months, I have spent many moments pondering, Why? Why did this happen? What went wrong? Who’s at fault? What did I do wrong? I understand, these are all normal feelings when processing incredible grief. However, I also feel so thankful to be Harrison’s Mommy. Yes, perhaps his life was short. But he had so much meaning on this Earth. Harrison is a blessing to our family. He brought us joy every day. Regardless, of how short is life was and the pain we experienced in his absence, I would do it again!
It is my goal in life to work through the grief so I can get closer to his Harry’s Joy! Harry’s Joy is his legacy! And it is now my mission and responsibility to carry his joy.
We are very excited to be expecting another baby. It also brings lots of emotions; hope, fear, joy, and sadness. Even Bennett is processing our change in his 3 year old minds. Bennett said to me at Easter lunch, “Mommy I want to be your baby.” “Oh sweet Bennett, you will always be my baby! Harrison, will always be my baby. We will just have EVEN more to love with this new baby.”
I know most parents out there with multiple kids can relate to this feeling, but I remember being nervous that I could never love another child as much as Bennett. Then Harrison arrived and I did! Immediately, I loved both our boys to the moon and back! I know there will be no difference with this 3rd child. We will love this little peanut all the same.
We are looking forward to this new addition. But we know this little child will not replace our love for Harrison. We will continue to miss Harrison. And we will continue to carry Harry with us every day! We will represent Harry’s joy on the Earth. We will teach this new baby about the older brother that watches over us from Heaven.
I am now preparing to be a mother to 3 wonderful children. I will enjoy the love of each of my children on Earth and will carry the love of my angel baby Harrison every single day.
Mommy misses you every moment. I remember your time on Earth fondly. I appreciate the meaning you brought to my life! I will love you for always! I will honor you forever! You will always be my baby boy!
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